Cellar Door ( 2024 )

Some thriller movies are made to keep you up at night, scared of the shadows in your room and the closet door left ajar. Cellar Door (2024) did none of that though! This horror movie reminds you of what the real scariest thing in the world is— men making terrible decisions. 

In fact, it was a masterclass in the genre, giving us a protagonist who takes self-sabotage to Olympic levels and even won the gold medal while he was at it.

The movie starts with our main character John, who already giving off the vibes of someone who not only cheats on his taxes but also his wife. Really he just gives you the ick right from the start. The kinda guy who would call himself a “nice guy” while ruining his entire life and blaming the world around him for it. 

He and his wife Sera inherit a massive house from a mysterious man for free- only with the caveat that they don’t go into the basement. Easy. Simple. The bare minimum I’d even say.

Now while most people would consider this a massive win, move on with their life and take the house- Not John though. John takes one look at the doors to this basement and decides it’s his life mission to get inside there.

Sera, his wife, is the only character with any sense of self-preservation and common sense. She fully was ready to follow the one simple rule given to them! She was even planning a bunch of ways to decorate the house.

But alas, this movie isn’t about smart choices. It’s about hubris. And again may I say how stupid it is. Who literally even wants to go into a basement in the first place?

Well, John does, obviously. He becomes obsessed, practically drooling over what could be behind the cellar door to the point he goes on a mad hunt around in other areas, getting a map of the house, finding crawl spaces, anything he could do to get a little peep.

What’s the worst that could happen, right?

Famous last words.

So, to really highlight his behavior, he’s knee—deep in an affair this entire time ( remember what I said earlier? He is in fact a cheater ). At first, his affair partner is a bit clingy, and a bit obsessive herself. Till John shows his true colors of being a literal possessed creep and threatens her life if she continues to bother him.

As the movie progresses, we see John unravel into a villain. Alyssa, the aforementioned affair partner, begins to get suspicious of his erratic behavior and decides to go to his house to confront him.

 And by going to his house, I literally mean just waltzing in and start roaming around. Apparently being threatened is just not enough to keep her away from this dreamboat of a man.

Anyway, after a weird scene of her waddling around for a bit and Sera seemingly unknowing about the literal intruder she just leaves. We see her flying off down the road- and would luck have it! John spots her. Already on edge from his conspiracy-like obsession with the basement, he completely loses it. Chases her down, white-knuckling the steering wheel then the movie just cuts.

Alyssa goes missing.

After this, the movie begins to angle itself like a murder mystery. Did John kill her? Totally seems like it. He’s fidgeting, sweating bullets, trying to cover his tracks and just acting guilty as hell. Even his wife begins to cover for him as he’s questioned by the police.

At this point we see Sera suspect there’s something off, but because horror movies love to make women seem irrational the film tries to frame her as paranoid rather than observant.

Then the film plays its last dirty trick on us. John… didn’t kill Alyssa.

It was Sera.

Yep, the final act of the movie drops that in fact, it was Sera all along. She knew everything John was up to, knew he was actively trying to not only sabotage his life with his midlife crisis but also hers. 

So when Alyssa came waltzing in unannounced and literally attacked Sera she did what she had to. She shot Alyssa. 

Then also did a little more than that… whoops. Girlboss, I guess. 

And despite everything John had done, even though he was thinking about killing Alyssa himself, the movie has the gall to make Sera the bad guy. As if she wasn’t acting in self-defense while also trying to stop John’s constant attempts at breaking the one simple rule given.

Personally, I think she was just operating on common sense but I guess no one wants to support women in their hobbies anymore!

Now, what was truly behind the cellar door? Nothing, No ghosts, no ancient evil or supernatural entity. Just John’s who and the inability to let things go.

And also Alyssa but that came way later.

The entire movie is about the danger of man’s curiosity and how far someone would go to ruin their lives just because they can. Maybe free will isn’t all it’s chalked up to me.

The real twist of the evening though? My mom agreed with him? She owned up to wanting to get right into the basement and check everything out. What a traitor.

My own thoughts are that Cellar Door isn’t a horror film or really a thriller at all. Instead it’s a cautionary tale about the dangers of men having free time and a locked door. This house was no Conjuring— instead literally just a test of someone’s patience. 

That patience is mine.

2 stars, Sera should have just locked him away in the basement too.